If you go Chasing Rabbits...

I couldn’t sleep…Lot on my mind. So, I decided to go to option 2, and do as Jefferson airplane says and go chasing the white rabbit, or in lamer terms “allow my thoughts out”.

I recently moved to a small here in Tennessee. I have been wanting a fresh new start for a while. I have been here close to two weeks now and a lot of things have become clear to me. Not in a bad way, but in an enlightening way. Friends I thought were friends, turned out to resemble more acquaintances, like being at a table with horrible guests at a Mad tea party, that you can just easily get up and leave from. Lies that were told were revealed and truth prevailed. Things that I thought I wanted turned out to be doing me more harm than good. Finally, I realized just how much I was being used by some and treated badly by others (Or in some cases both). Maybe the doorknob was right. Maybe one pill does in fact make you small.

Now I want to make this clear. All these things happened because of choices I made in my life, so I must accept partial responsibility for the things that have occurred. I am ok with that. I willingly stepped into this mad tea party. I share this knowledge because at my age you realize that this happens more than once.

As humans we are hard wired to reach out and seek attention, love, understanding, validation, friendship, and companionship. Those who tell you they do not are lying not only to you, but to themselves as well. Even the Cheshire cat came out to play whenever he was lonely. I used to tell myself at the end of a friendship or a relationship “where did I go wrong”? “What could I have done better”? The short answer was nothing. I was asking the wrong questions. The hookah smoking caterpillar asked the question the best “Who are you”? I now ask, “why do you think you did anything wrong at all”? and “You’re the one who deserves better”. For you see self-love, self-understanding, and self-validation is worth more then any you could receive from others. That’s the one pill that makes you larger.

So as the saying goes “We live, and we learn”. The learning to not repeat the same mistakes of the past while living…well that’s the tricky part. Being sharp enough to not lose your head when you come before the red queen. The good news is though…You find yourself, and the Rabbit.

P.S- For clarification Yes, the song was playing in my head the entire time I was writing this.