The Cross Over

I don't know, you know, something's, like, crossed over in me and I can't go back, I mean I just couldn't live.

-Thelma Dickinson (Thelma & Louise)

Without a doubt this is the most defining line of the 1994 film “Thelma & Louise”. I movie I have come to love and have watched too many times to count.

Lately that line has played in my mind on a repeat loop since January 5th. Like a VHS tape on constant rewind and play (For us older folks). Hanz Zimmer’s famous score track “Thunderbird” playing in the background of my mind (If you’ve never heard it I recommend you look it up). There are a lot of things in my personal life that are not for public consumption, so I won’t go too deep into what has occurred. Suffice to say that it has been an interesting 3 weeks. Individuals I felt like I could rely on turned out to be very unreliable. Individuals who I love with all my heart are still trying to find ways to use me (Emotionally and Financially), True colors were shown, and boundaries were set. Change…Change is happening. In all aspects of my life. Professional, personal, and emotional. My thought process is evolving as well. For the better? Maybe. For myself? Could be. For the ones I love and protect? I’ll answer that in the words of Severus Snape “Always”. I have been more of an observer then a participator the last 3 weeks. Why? Well, hers the kicker. I saw all of this unfold before it did. Call wisdom, call it foresight, or simply just call it what it is. Life experience. The point is that I did not interfere with anything that was meant to happen to any of them or myself. I let go, and let it happen. Yes, by choice, because I realized it was what needed to be done. Now the veil has been lifted. The truth has been exposed, and now I cannot unsee what I have seen. Hence Thelmas words “Something's, like, crossed over in me and I can't go back, I mean I just couldn't live. “ . She is right, there is no going back to that. Self-worth and self-awareness are vital keys to growth and life. So, I am not going back…I know what I want. I know who I am. Damn the rest.

-Olivia